How To Kill a Superstar
by lorann
Summary: Series of oneshots. Troypay attempting to kill each other [not for reals] all in a nifty little box called the computer. First oneshot up, it's boring, I know. R&R anyways.
1. Paperclip

**Disclaimer: **If I owned High School Musical, Troy and Ryan would be **sex...**y together. Enough said.

**A/N:** Cha cha real smooth...

Anyways. Once upon a time, Lor was in Chemistry. A very obnoxious girl sitting next to her had absolutely no manners and was chewing her gum so. very. obnoxiously. Lor about died.

That inspired her to write a series of oneshots of Troypay creative attempts to kill each other.

This doesn't really have a certain time set. It's all in an alternate-HSM reality, where Sharpay despises Troy, and does not throw her self annoyingly at him.

Also, this is just an introduction. The next installation won't continue from here, or else that would make it a chapter-fic, now, wouldn't it?

If you see any mistakes, alert me please! Thank you muchly.

**Read && Review, tell me if I should continue or not. I know this part is boring, but the next one is better. At least, I hope...boldyboldyboldyokayi'mdonenow.**

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**How To Kill A Superstar**

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Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock…. 

She hates repetitive noises. They especially get to her when she's trying to concentrate. He knew that very well, and was constantly using it to his advantage.

She hated him.

She rest her chin in her hand as she gazed down at her non-existent English paper. She was supposed to write three pages on how "To Kill a Mocking Bird" made an impact on her life. Which – in case you were wondering – it didn't.

Tap, tap, tap, tap…

She wrinkled her nose in annoyance, but kept her eyes on the blank paper. The tapping pen against the floor of the stage seemed to echo through the nearly empty theater. There were a few other students from her Study Hall class scattered in the plush red seats, but there were only three on the stage.

Tap, tap, tap…

She let out an annoyed, yet dignified, growl. The tapping stopped almost instantly, making her smile in satisfaction. With that, she finally came up with a witty title for her essay: To Kill a Mockingbird's impact on my life.

The girl grinned as she wrote it in dramatic letters across the top of the page. Her pen began working its magic in scribbling down a generic introduction paragraph.

Click, click, click….

Oh, my God. Now he was clicking that stupid pen. She moved her hand onto her forehead to try and concentrate. She could practically feel his smirk.

She despised that boy.

She slowly raised her eyes to meet his, clenching the pen so tightly her knuckles turned white. He flashed a toothy grin as she narrowed her eyes, raising the pen threateningly.

"Sharpay," he cooed, suddenly looking like an innocent five-year-old. Yet, he failed to stop that incessant clicking sound with his pen.

Sharpay drew her fist back, acting as if she was about to stab his pretty little face. He yelped in fear and quickly dropped his pen, letting it clatter onto the stage and roll towards the edge.

The blonde gracefully stretched her leg that had been folded perfectly over the other, and nudged the pen off the stage with poise.

"Uncalled for," he claimed. She looked back to him, noticing he was pouting.

"Boo hoo, Bolton, like you were working anyways." She flipped her perfectly wavy hair over her shoulder, as if to say the conversation had ended, and began writing again.

Chew, chomp, smack, pop…

Sharpay closed her big brown eyes and hissed through her stylishly clenched teeth. Troy had gone too far this time, and by the way he began chewing his gum even more obnoxiously – if that was possible -, Sharpay could tell he knew it as well.

"Troy," she said calmly, opening her eyes to smile sweetly at him. She slowly raised her pen again, holding it casually between her thumb and index finger.

That seemed to force him to realize something; the peaceful way she acted towards him actually frightened him more than when she was angry.

"That pen could be considered a dangerous weapon…" his voice trailed off as she suddenly gave him the death glare.

"When I'm done with it, it will be." Sharpay snarled deviously.

"I think I should run now." Troy said, more to himself than the girl. He paused a moment, then scrambled to his feet and leapt off the stage.

Sharpay daintily stood and brushed her shimmering dark jeans off. She adjusted her long black leather boots that bore an intricate design with sequins that only she had.

She placidly looked up just in time to see Troy's lean body throw itself into the two doors of the theater and fall through. She smirked and waved cutely when he sat up, looking at her over his shoulder.

He gasped, - rather anti-manishly – rolled out of the way of the door, letting it slam shut. The whole place seemed silent as the other students stared frightfully at her. Someone clapped twice as they stood from there seat on the stage floor behind the Ice Queen.

"Troypay confrontation, man your battle station!"

Sharpay rolled her eyes and turned around, her hands on her hips to look at the one the crudely rhyming statement belonged too. Of course, her twin brother smiled widely at her, obviously proud of his self-assigned job of alerting the world of her and Troy's fights.

"Use a paperclip," he reminded his twin for the millionth time that day, determined not to give up until Bolton was marked forever via paperclip. She adjusted her hot pink headband and smoothed invisible kinks from her matching-hot pink mini dress.

"Only if I run out of ideas." Sharpay nodded before turning and placing one hand on her hip, strutting off the stage and up the aisle of the theater, out the doors Troy had pathetically disappeared through.

Then she saw his face, and the fire extinguisher, just before she was surrounded by a loud whooshing noise and suffocating white foam.

"BOLTON!"

Ah, but it was all just another day at East High.

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**See that cute lil' purple button down there? CLICK IT!**


	2. The Gym: Part 1

**Disclaimer: **What are you talking about? I'm TOTALLY Kenny Ortega. [/lie Not really don't eat me...

Ohmyohmyohmy. has been not happy with me lately, it finally let me log in. Thank you ALL for the reviews! They make me so happy, you don't even know.

Well, this part is totally seperate from the first part, a different day. It's short, again...

Don't hurt me. -whimpers- Anywho, read on!

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How to Kill A Superstar**

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**The Gym: Part 1**

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit…"

Troy Bolton was running

Troy Bolton was scared.

Troy Bolton was being chased.

Troy Bolton was running scared while being chased, courtesy of Sharpay Evans.

"No running in the halls, Mister Bolton." A teacher with a bored expression said blankly. Troy ignored him, continuing his frightened chant as he skidded around the corner.

Sharpay suddenly passed the teacher as well, a red pattern resembling the print of a soccer ball burning on her forehead.

"Not again." The teacher groaned, quickly walking to the principal's office.

"Students of East High, I - " Mr. Matsui – the principal – began, but was cut off with a loud screech of feedback over the PA system.

"Students of East High." Another man, the teacher, said into the announcements microphone after pulling it from the principal's hands. "We have –"Another feedback squeal, causing students to cringe.

"Hola, everybody!" Ryan Evans' enthusiastic voice echoed through the large high school. Every person on campus looked up at the speakers.

"Just a heads up, Troy and Sharpay are on the loose…and pissed off." He announced proudly.

"Oh, great." Gabriella Montez looked around the deserted hall she was walking in. She clutched her bathroom pass to her chest upon hearing her best friend's voice shout down another hall.

"Sharpay, you're going to get it if you don't back off!"

"Look at my FACE!" Sharpay's shrill voice met Gabriella's ungrateful ears. She looked around quickly, than ran over to the nearest door, only to find it locked.

"Time to panic." She muttered.

"Put DOWN the tennis racket!" Troy's frantic, heavy footsteps were sounding closer. Gabriella lifted her head just as her best friend flew past her down the hall.

"Not until I'm positive you'll never see out your eyes again!" Sharpay dashed past a very tense Montez girl, who was too afraid to breathe at the moment.

"How else will I see?!" Troy cried hopelessly.

"Exactly!"

Gabriella sighed once they disappeared down another hall. She started the opposite way the two enemies had gone, only to be halted by one of Troy's pathetic yelps of pain. She rolled her eyes and spun on her heel, going after them.

Gabriella always had to be the one to risk her life and stop the 'Troypay' fights. It actually got pretty scary sometimes. Those two were very creative killers.

"Sharpay, you better get away from me before I lose my manners and bitch-slap you."

Gabriella sighed. The gym had the beginnings of a crime scene going on.

Troy was laying in the midst of it all, paper clips stuck in his usually-perfect hair. She scurried over to him, nearly tripping on a tennis racket that now had busted strings, and there were tennis balls scattered throughout the otherwise-empty gym.

"Troy, where's Sharpay?" Gabriella asked as she dropped to her knees next to her best friend.

"I…..have no idea." Troy stared blankly at the dim hanging lights of the gym. Gabriella eyed him curiously.

"Are you –" He suddenly started laughing for no apparent reason. Gabriella cringed; inappropriate laughter bothered her.

"Back up, Montez." Sharpay's cold voice echoed through the gymnasium. Troy hiccupped, than resumed his random outburst of laughter. Gabriella sighed and stood up, smoothing out her skirt as she turned to face the blonde.

Before she even set eyes on her, Sharpay hurled a round, air-filled, orange object straight in her face.

Gabriella shrieked and fell back in surprise, landing on Troy's shaking stomach; he was still laughing.

"Sharpay!" She screamed, her hands on her aching nose.

"Ryan." Sharpay snapped her fingers and her brother giddily stepped out from behind her.

"Gabriella." Ryan nodded and rolled his shoulders back, to make himself appear more intimidating (which didn't work), before gracefully swaying over to the two brunettes on the floor.

"Troy." Troy said quietly. The air had been knocked out of him and Gabriella hadn't bothered to remove herself from his flat torso yet.

"Troy." Gabriella scolded in annoyance when he attempted to roll over and make her fall off of him.

"Gabriella." Troy mimicked.

"Ryan." Sharpay growled at her twin impatiently.

"Sharpay…" Ryan whined as he looked over his shoulder innocently at her.

"Jason!"

The fighting foursome fell quiet as they scanned the room for the voice that didn't belong to any of them.

"Jason, hide!" Kelsi Neilsen squealed, running and grabbing her incompetent friend by the wrist and yanking him – unwillingly – into the girl's locker room.

……………………………. Question mark.

Sharpay cleared her throat as she slowly turned back to the other three. She lifted her hand and snapped once again.

"Oh, right." Ryan smiled idiotically and took one of Gabriella's hands from her nose, pulling her to her feet.

"What are you -?"

"Don't ask questions!" The boy exclaimed suddenly, dragging her away from Troy, who had gone back to staring up at the ceiling.

"Alright, Bolton. It's time for you to pay." Sharpay strut towards the basketball player sprawled uselessly on the smooth floor.

"I did nothing." Troy said, shifting his eyes to her once she leaned over him, scowling.

"Look at my face!" She suddenly screamed, for the second time that morning. Troy's eyes widened and he rolled away from her as she raised a basketball over his head. He jumped to his feet.

"Put that down…" He warned, pointing threateningly at her. "Ow!" He put his hand on his shoulder where the ball had hit him. "Sharpay – ow!" He jumped back.

"Where are you getting all these – damn! When did you get so strong – shit! Knock it – OW!"

Troy turned, having been pelted enough with the orange things he used to call his friends. He ran for the nearest door, which happened to lead into the equipment room.

This would not be pretty.

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**Review? -bats eyelashes innocently-**


	3. The Gym: Part 2

**A/N: **In case you haven't noticed, I'm not a constant updater. I have lots of ideas for this story, but unfortunately, I also have a short attention span. That's why I mainly do oneshots.

And, just to be annoying and plug another one of my stories:

Read _Definition of a Hypocrite_ and my newest one, _No More._

Plugging over. Love you all, I'm trying to keep this note short...it's oh-so very hard.

**Disclaimer: Oh, didn't I tell you? I'm really Kenny Ortega. insert sarcastic grin here **

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How To Kill A Superstar**

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Gym: Part Two**

Sharpay Evans ran in the weight room, her brown eyes darting around suspiciously, but saw no sign of Troy Bolton. Grabbing the first the thing she suspected would inflict pain on the basketball star – a golf club-, she scanned the area again.

"Oh Troy," the blonde called, with her perfect false sweet tone.

"I see that gold club, Evans. I am _not_ coming near you," Troy's voice sounded disembodied in the over-crowded sports room. Sharpay rolled her eyes, walking to the jungle of volleyball nets where his voice seemed to have come from.

"Too bad, _I'm_ coming near _you_." She parted the nets with a disapproving scowl. She swung the golf club aimlessly, hoping to smack her mortal enemy by chance. Her arm suddenly jerked back during what she considered a very good golf swing. She huffed with aggravation and glared at her diamond studded silver bracelet that was now attached in the volleyball nets.

A strong hand was placed on her shoulder, causing Sharpay to emit her infamous, ear-shattering scream. "Sharpay, shut up or I'll leave you hear to die," Troy exclaimed, and she instantly closed her mouth.

"You'd better get your too-soft-for-a-boy hands off of me, Bolton."

"Fine, untangle yourself." Troy took his hand from her shoulder and rolled his eyes to himself. Sharpay quickly spun around, letting her expensive bracelet snap in half before prombtly smacking Troy in the side with the golf club still in hand.

The tall boy let out an 'oof', having been caught off-guard.

"How dare you hit me in the face with a soccer ball?" Sharpay shrieked, hitting him in the leg. Troy quickly bowed out of the net jungle, looking around wildly for a place of protection. "You will never be forgiven," the girl said in a dangerously low voice, before striking him on the back. He winced and ran over to the maze the gymnastic mats created, along with other random sporting items. Coach Bolton never had been the most organized person.

"Sharpay, it was a natural reflex," Troy claimed as he ducked behind a cart of dodge balls. "You were looking at me," he added in a little voice.

"I look at you all the time, idiot," Sharpay snapped. Troy popped up right in front of her, and she blindly swung the club. He dodged it with a smirk.

"Do you _enjoying_ looking at me, Evans?" He flickered his eyebrows. Sharpay scoffed and went to hit him again, but he grabbed the putter by the bar, as it was inches away from his face. The sparkly girl narrowed her eyes.

"Only because I can picture your death." She hissed, and hit him right on the head with the golf club. Troy let out a yelp and slapped his hands over the aching spot, dropping to the ground. "Give up?" She smirked, tossing the club to the side on a mat. "Gabriella will throw a fit to learn you gave up before round two of our daily routine." She placed her hands on her hips

"But I hate round two." Troy whined, looking up at her with pitiful blue eyes. Sharpay arched an indifferent eyebrow. "Can't you just tell me where Ryan kidnapped her to? Just this once?" In response, Sharpay flicked his forehead, causing him to gasp and glare at her. "If you drew blood, I'll _eat_ you." He warned.

"Troy, I'm giving you a free pass. Take it while you can." Sharpay sighed dramatically and stepped to the side slightly, so he could get past. Troy grinned and jumped up, but the room was spinning almost instantly and fell face down. "That's what you get. You should know not to stand up so soon after being hit in the head. It's obviously happened many times before." She flashed a smiled and turned on her heel, one hand on her hip as she strut out of the equipment room.

Troy stomped out of the gym, his eyes darting around suspiciously. "Here we go again." He said to himself, opening a random locker in case his best friend happened to be crammed in there.

He huffed and slammed it shut, the sound echoing through the empty halls. School had been out for about ten minutes now, but he didn't know. He'd kind of blacked out in the gym after making it from the equipment room.

"Gabriella!" He called down the hall, in a somewhat annoyed tone.

This little game had been happening ever since the first 'Troypay confrontation' that Gabriella experienced. She'd been, er, _lucky_ enough to have been caught in the middle of it, not realizing she was about to be sucked into a dangerous game. Like Grand Theft Auto, without the cars, guns, thugs, jetpacks….or cheat codes.

Sharpay had the brilliant idea to make her brother trick Gabriella into a random place, where he locked her and made Troy find her. It took him almost three hours once, and she had not been happy. Lately, Ryan got bored of being smart to trick Gab, so he would just drag her away. She'd given up fighting, because Ryan never gave in. Well, he had to live with Sharpay, it wasn't too surprising he'd developed selective hearing.

As Troy contemplated this all, he felt a sharp pain on his back. He jolted in surprise, turning around and spotting the male Evans twin at the other end of the hall.

"Hear that?" Ryan asked with a smirk, as Troy wrinkled his nose.

"What? The cheesy western music?" Troy asked. Ryan nodded enthusiastically, causing the brunette to roll his eyes. "Ryan, where did your parents go wrong?" He shook his head. Ryan pursed his lips thoughtfully, taking the question seriously.

"They didn't use protection." He stated after a moment. Troy groaned in annoyance.

"Where's Gabriella?" He ran his hand through his hair, deciding not to react to the stupid boy's statement. Ryan tilted his head to the side.

"Oh, I can't tell you." He shrugged innocently. Troy just stared at him, and the halls were silent. "I don't feel comfortable when you look at me like that, Troy - " He began in a little voice, but cut himself off with a high-pitched scream as Troy began running at him. "Rape! Rape, rape, rape, rape!" The blonde shrieked.

"You only wish, He-Evans! Tell me where you hid my best friend!" Troy shouted, even though he was practically treading on Ryan's heels.

"Never!"

"I'll steal all your man thongs!"

"I don't have any, you disgusting – "

"I saw that rhinestone pink one, boy, don't think I didn't." The two boys ran through a pair of double doors, darting down another hall. "When did you get so fast…?" Troy huffed.

"For your information, _Bolton_, I had to wear that because I lost a bet with Sharpay." Ryan snapped defensively, speeding up slightly, only out of fear of the taller kid.

"What was the bet? Who's longer?" Troy sneered, catching Ryan by the fabric from the back of his lilac colored shirt. Ryan jerked back, gagging and caught off guard, but Troy didn't let go. "And why'd you have a pink, _rhinestone_, man thong anyways?" He made a disgusted face.

"First of all…how dare you insult my manhood?" Ryan said stiffly, elbowing Troy in the stomach, making him grunt, but not loosen his grip on his shirt.

"It's fairly easy, actually – " Troy began, but Ryan scoffed.

"Second of all…how dare you refer my sister as a boy?" Ryan continued with a haughty tone. "And _quarto_…" Ryan huffed, "Sharpay bought it as an April Fool's gift. Now let go of me, you homosexual."

Troy immediately broke into a fit of laughter, letting go of the other boy. "Y-you're the one who owns a pink man thong, a-and you call _me_ a – "

"Sharpay bought it!" Ryan insisted. "When did you see it, anyways?"

"It was very visible through your white girl pants." Troy stated, still chuckling, but trying not to.

"Why were you looking?"

"I love your ass." Troy said blankly. Ryan looked at him with wide eyes, his nose wrinkled slightly. "Stop picturing me being gay with you, Ryan, you pervert." He snapped. Ryan blinked after a moment, and realized Troy was now being dragged away by a short, dark haired girl.

"Thank you!" Ryan exclaimed. "Gabriella, keep him away from me." He warned. Troy smacked his own butt, with his free hand Gabriella wasn't dragging him with, then snickered. Ryan gagged and scurried the opposite way to find his sister.

"Sometimes I seriously wonder about you, Troy." Gabriella stated, tugging his arm a little more as he laughed.

"You know you love making Ryan squirm just as much as I do."

"Sorry, I can't get in your mind." Gabriella smirked. "There's not enough room for more than one thought at a time." He gasped in mock-offense and promptly slapped her – as he thought- perfectly shaped bottom. She hopped a little and playfully glared at him, digging her nails lightly into his forearm. He grinned.

"So, where'd Gay-vans lock you this time?" He asked.

"Gay-vans?" Gabriella cocked her head towards him. Troy just shrugged.

"It fits him more than 'Evans'. That's Sharpay's name anyways." He said sweetly. "Well?"

"Oh, the school's giant kitchen freezer." Gabriella said nonchalantly. Troy blinked.

"I would have never looked there." He grinned.

"It's a good thing the janitor likes to stop by every other hour to get a snack." Gabriella stated.

"Is that legal?" Troy asked. Gabriella shrugged. "So. Do you have any pink rhinestone thongs?"

And all throughout basketball practice, Troy smiled and pointed to the red mark on his cheek and single scratch down his neck, saying that Sharpay Evans could just get so _frisky_ sometimes.

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**Wuh-PAH! Next one should be up soon. I believe it's Christmas themed.**

**I know I'm a wee bit late...don't judge me.**

**Time to click the review button and make me feel better, since you were just _so_ judgmental.**

**(psst, it's that little purple button that says 'GO!', just not as enthusastically.)**


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